Belzebuth extra strong beer.

Sometimes I wake up and I feel like I've lost my manliness, what I usually do is go to Home Depot, follow a construction worker and buy whatever the fuck he is buying, but this time was different. Even thought this beer comes from France, and probably faggity faggots drink it, I will have to say that this is different, this shit will turn Boy George into a masculine man. Fucking A, this beer could turn anything into a supre(yes more than super) male, uber male is the word.

I don't even know if uber is a real word, but what i know is that it fits. It sucks when you have to make up words to describe something, but if Shakespeare could, Why can't I? Why couldn't you? FUCK, Why do we even need to separate languages? Lets call every single language spoken in the United States of America, English, In fact everything is from the U.S.A. this fucking amazing manly slash faggoty beer is not from France, fuck France doesn't even exist, it comes from the U.S.A, as American as a bald eagle, freedom fries, pizza and all the good stuff that America gave us. Fuck Italians, they didn't invented pizza, A red blooded American did, so fuck you. If you don't think that this beer is American, you are an ignorant and should open your fucking eyes, Belzebuth is great, as great and manly as a big healthy American male in a steakhouse ordering the biggest steak in the house.

Purple Haze Raspberry Wheat Ale.

As I struggle to walk to the nearest bathroom in my friends house I find myself with a weird cold beer in my hand. Since i grabbed it, I felt something weird going through my body, when I finally got to the bathroom I didn't stand up to pee, i actually sat on the toilet, I stood up grab a piece of T.P. and wiped myself, SHIT! I have a vagina, this is serious.

While I freak out around the house, I open the beer bottle and consume the insides, as I proceed to do so I started growing tits, I had no beard and I started to find men attractive, somehow this beer made me feel like a chick(nothing against them, because, of course, I love them). I keep walking around the house, guys start flirting with me, chicks start talking shit about guys and their small dicks, I feel weirder by the moment and my ovaries started to hurt(which made me feel a little more compasionate towards ladies and their periods). I need to know who gave me this beer, I need to know who is the one I should kill.

Otter Creek Copper Ale

Today I woke up with a pube stuck on my face. Doesn't that suck? I have no fucking idea how it got there. As far as I know, I'm the only alphamale in my apartment's ecosystem, so I know that the pube is mine, which offers some degree of relief.

The pube was discovered after waking up and walking over to the bathroom mirror. There it was, amongst the morning dew and fields of stubble that adorned my face, curled like a scorpion poised to strike. It hung there on my cheek, the evil, S-shaped black serpent in the Garden of Eden.

It would totally suck to find a pube in this beer. Like having a friend come forward saying he's gay and admitting he has a crush on me, my relationship with this beer would be totally awkward and strained. And thinking of who the pube was previously attached to would make me seek rape counseling.

-Al

Sam Adams White Ale.

Sam Adams White Ale:



Everything started with a poker game, I was in a hurry to get there and went to Publix Supermarket cause i know they have a good extended variety of beer for cheap. Of course i was looking for Sam Adams Boston Lager, then i see that this specific Publix has a shit lot of beer, so I went crazy, they had Warsteiner which i thought of Al and started rocking my air guitar to the rhythm of Viking Metal, sodomizing women, killing children and acting like a barbarian. Right next to that one i saw Yuengling Dark & Tan, and I'm a fan of Lagers, specially Yuengling and from what i heard the dark and tan is really good, like cumming on some random chicks face and making her gag on your shit. But it wasn't what i was looking for. Finally i look to the corner and i saw Sam Adams Boston Lager, but right next to it i see Sam Adams Light, and i thought "oh nice, they have the light" to my surprise they had the Cherry Wheat still, and the Winter Lager(which is surprising because Sam Adams Brewing Co. won't let you sell beer that's out of it's season) so i opened the door to grab myself a 6 pack of the Winter and a 6 of the Boston lager, for my surprise they had a six pack of the Brown Ale and i got happy, this Brown Ale makes those English assholes think about it twice, an New Castle can't even compare to how good Sam Adams Brown Ale is, so of course i changed my mind and got the brown ale, as i was stretching my hairy arm touching that cold 6 pack of Brown Ale, i see the White Ale, which I've never tasted in my drinking years, so i changed my mind again left the Boston Lager and took home the Brown and White(like my favorite chicks). Got to the game, started playing, popped the first Sam Adams White Ale, and let me tell you that his beer would make those waffle/fried potatoes lovers(Belgians) really, REALLY proud. It's a kind of thick beer, which is good, and you can really taste the unfiltered wheat(in a good way) blended with Vanilla and Tamarind(which is delicious), this Sam Adam brew is brewed with 10 different spices, the good part about it is that you don't really taste 10 spices( other than the Michelob White Ale, which is pretty good but you can taste a least 1,000 spices in that one) because you don't really want a beer that has 1,000,000 different taste and you can't differ one from another, so i have to give it up to Sam Adams for, yet, another perfect beer. After drinking the first six pack i realized I've lost all my chips and it was time to sit back and enjoy the other six pack of Sam Adams Brown Ale.

Luigi.